Having recently finished my first term as an MBA student at Harvard Business School (HBS), I can comfortably (or uncomfortably) say that my perspective on success versus happiness has changed. In my first-year Leadership course, we were asked to read memoirs from alumni prepared on their 5-year, 10-year and 20-year reunions and spent an entire class debating the lives of these strangers in the classic HBS-style case method. The overall conclusion was that the memoirs – across the board – were depressing in nature. It wasn’t that these people were not successful – quite the contrary, several had become senior bankers, entrepreneurs, and full-time mothers with full-time careers. So if they fit the definition of success, why were they not perceived to be happy? Why was there this disconnect?
I think for many people, it is hard to separate “success” from “happiness”. It is a common misnomer that achieving the former definitely leads to attaining the latter. Sure, you might say that financial success or career success is not necessarily the same as “success in life”. But even if you got everything you wanted in life, would you be happy? According to Barry Schwartz, author of the book “The Paradox of Choice”, when people have more choices, more decisions to make, more goals in mind…they are inherently less happy and less satisfied than if they had fewer choices. Why is this relevant? As an Asian-American whose mother immigrated to the
For me, I believe that it is important to constantly evaluate your goals, what is truly important to you, and learn the word “contentment”. Without a clear focus and understanding of your values, it is difficult to truly be happy. Success won’t change that. So when you’re evaluating your next step – be it what university to attend, what career to pursue, or what path to take, it is important to take a step back and remember that success doesn’t equal happiness. If you ever find yourself with too many choices, maybe it would be best to eliminate a few, and focus on what truly makes you happy – and make it a priority - instead of what you might think would make you successful.
*Congratulations Kyle for making it through the first term of HBS.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate Kyle's reference to Barry Schwartz' "Paradox of Choice." It is always comforting to know your college education was not a waste of time when you see others cite one of your former college professors. Whether or not I agree with all of Professor Schwartz' theories, I think the discussion of choice and opportunity is prevalent across all disciplines.
However, in terms of the APIA community specifically, I question whether the opposite extreme will put us in a happier place. As Kyle mentioned, research shows that the more choices we have, the less satisfied we are. But as APIAs, we are socially-constructed to always find ways to become "successful" that if there weren't many choices out there, we would often feel limited. For example, if our parents limited all of us to strictly professions that they have heard of (i.e. becoming a doctor, banker, accountant etc.), would that make us happy because we would just have to pick one out of the few options? Or, would we feel restricted and constantly wish for something more?
I agree that priorities and happiness should consistently be re-evaluated. Another question for someone to really think about is: What does "success" mean to me? I think the definition for each individual is a very important factor to this relationship of success versus happiness.
Hey Kyle,
ReplyDeleteIt's really interesting hear that the HBS memoirs are depressing in nature and unfulfilling. At Stanford, a lot of kids see the pinnacle of success as getting a job at GS or JPM straight our of undergrad and returning to HBS after a few years of work. Many students, including myself, feel pressured to compete and chase the dream of making money on Wall Street. Sometimes people wonder if the constant race towards the top of material wealth, but for the majority of time, many students get swept up in the current.
I'm interested in how the HBS students reacted to such depressing memoirs. Did these memoirs cause people to reevaluate their life plans and goals?
Herd mentality and group-think are incredibly prevalent and powerful phenomenons. Anyone working in finance during the global financial crisis can attest to that. I think it is important to explore what makes you happy and recognize that some times you do have to make trade offs. For those of us fortunate enough to choose our path, we should make sure that it is a path that will provide more than just monetary compensation and I think those cases definitely highlighted that.
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