Searching for College

By Philip Bui

As I sit here in my dorm room with the soft, hazel glow of my desk lamps and the computer’s hum, I begin to realize how much things have change for me. So many things have occurred over the past two years. For many of us, college is a momentous time in our lives, as it should be. For most students, including myself, we enter as bright-eyed freshman with dreams of our future and expectations how college is going to be. For the lucky few, all their dreams and expectations about college came true. As for the rest of us, college is not the picturesque utopia we had envisioned in high school, but what we make of the experience. For me, college is a very different experience from what I had dreamed of, but regardless, here is my story.

Similar to so many of us, the day I knew I was leaving home for college, the palpable visions of the quintessential college experience quickly found an easy home in my mind. I quickly found myself caught up in my own happy, ethereal visions of college as described by all of the college view books. The promises of amazing, twilight philosophical conversations with dormmates and random, late-night adventures with friends that were found nestled in the pages of these college catalogs fueled my expectations of college being the best four years of my life. Regardless of whether you are going far from home or commuting to college, the grandeur feelings and excitement for college was tangible for all of us. College was going to be a four-year path towards knowledge and self-discovery, but more importantly, a brighter future. It is completely reasonable to be excited.

So, on a hot, Californian day in late September, I stepped onto campus and embarked on my own adventure. I carried with me my own college expectations that were nurtured by all of the college love letters and new student mail I had received throughout summer after high school graduation. To me, I felt like college had been waiting for me, and I was more than ready to start my adventure.

For the most part, freshman year started quite amicable and I was excited to start my life as a college student. However, as the freshman class got into the college routine and the weeks quickly melted into months, I still had not experienced everything I was promised I would find in college. Regardless, I still had the scent of the freshman magic and kept hope that the quintessential college would find me. It was not until when I came home for Christmas break when I made the doleful realization that my unrealistic expectations of being friends with half the campus, having innumerable late-night adventures, and becoming life-long long friends with my freshman roommate were nothing more ephemeral delusions of an 18 year old boy.

Even though we had shared a lot of our 1st year college experiences with each and spent lots of time in the dining hall together, I realized that not many of the freshmen in the dorm were actually that close/good of friends with each other, despite the shared experiences. I know it may sound kind of lame, but I grasped the situation because no one had sent me a Facebook message over the entire break and the Facebook group for our dorm was completely dead. I still held out hope as I returned for winter quarter, but as the year progressed, I realized I was no more than mere acquaintances with most people in my dorm.

To be honest, I became disillusioned with college and was considering of transferring to an East Coast school I was previously accepted. On my part, I had made many attempts to develop friendships with people in the dorm I felt compatible with. However, in the end, it all attempts sputtered out of existence either because the person too busy with school/activities or our personalities were not as compatible as I thought.

As summer quickly approached, I was ending my freshman year on a low note with a high possibility of transferring. Regardless, I still continued to search for my place in college and friends I can enjoy it with. So, when one of the freshman boys in my dorm, who I actually found annoying for most of the year, joined me one night in the dorm lounge, I gave an earnest attempt at a conversation. Long story short, that annoying kid from that random night in the lounge is now my best friend from college and my roommate.

That night in the lounge made me grasp that my early concept of compatible personalities was completely wrong. More importantly, I appreciated the college experience may not be exactly in accordance with the catalogs, but regardless, college can be enjoyable when you do not have utopian expectations. Honestly, the majority of my college friends are actually from different freshman dorms.

For those who still are searching for the quintessential college experience, the journey is as not easy as we were promised. However, the crux to everything is locating people who you find enjoyable as friends. This goes beyond the simple idea of joining a club or simply having an inane conversation with kid next to you in math. The search to find our place in college requires us leaving our comfort zone and reconsidering people we have dismissed before, but most importantly, never stop looking until you find what you are looking for. As for me, I found one random morning at 2am in the lounge when I was suppose to be asleep.

As I look at the posters on my dorm wall, I know that my college experience probably is not worthy of being detailed in a college view book. I am not friends with half the campus nor am I even friends with my freshman year roommate. However, I did learn that college is a different experience for everyone, and you should never stop searching for what you want. College is what you make of it. Best of luck.